you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
