We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
