We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
