I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
