Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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