Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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