The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
