i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
