i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
