OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
