Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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