Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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