So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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