I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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