I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
