I am spending my child support on dildos
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
