ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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