I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
