so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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