Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
