Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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