who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
