listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize