He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
