I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
