How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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