You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
