So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize