that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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