Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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