Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
