I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize