I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
