Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
