I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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