The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
