I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
