Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize