Where is the hickey?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
