dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
