i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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