dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
