I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
