you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
