Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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