I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
