I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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