Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
