with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
