we have officially lost it.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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