His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
