In the future we'll all be gay
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
