I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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