Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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