Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
