Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
