My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
