I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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