You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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