We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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