Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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