you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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