just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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