Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
