just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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