So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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