Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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