stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
