Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
