I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
