Just cropdusted the office
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
