she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
