I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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