Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
