so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize