Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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