I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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