everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
