plz talk dirty to me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
