he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
